How Can A Parent Not Give Their All To Their Children?

Before I had kids, I used to imagine that I would be the type of parent who can be firm and yet generous in my fantasized interactions with my children. I figured that since my father brought the 5 of us up with only the bare necessities in life, I will be able to not indulge in the whims of my own children when I do have them in the future.

In reality, I fall really short of my father's disciplined method of bringing up kids. I do not know if I am subconsciously compensating for my lack of exposure to the material world, in my childhood; I have been trying to analyse my inability to draw a line when it comes to giving my children everything that might help them maximise their adult potential, but so far, I still have not figure out why I simply cannot say No to my kids or to any marketing representative of kids-related businesses.

Every month, I make resolutions to not add any extra expenses when it comes to the children. Yet somehow, it happens. I find myself either signing up the girls for some interesting lessons or I end up buying some 'educational' plaything or shoes and clothing for my fast growing dolls. I find it so difficult to hold back and wonder sometimes if I might some sort of undiagnosed obsessive compulsion.

At this rate I'm going, I wonder how on earth we're going to afford to bring up all 3 of our babies with the very best in life, till they reach adulthood. Very scary thought!

I think that both Gerry and myself will have to work really hard for a very long time before we can retire. That seems like the most likely scenario judging from my inability to exercise self-control. =P

Sisters *Hearts & Kisses*

Sarah and Sonia

Time goes by impossibly fast when one is not keeping track. My 2 baby girls have grown into little girls now. Both are extremely charismatic individuals and show budding promise in getting their way in life when they grow up. #1 is pretty in an exquisite porcelain way - her mannerisms are very much dainty and lady-like, whilst #2 is pretty in a burst-of-sunshine way - her mannerisms are cheerful, loud and gregarious. Both contrasting and yet they play and get along very well together.

I thank God for blessing me with these 2 angels everyday ; I kick myself hard every time I act out my impatience, anger or dissatisfaction on them through shouting, snapping or even spanking, sometimes. My prayers are always for me to be more patient, loving and kind.

It is an extremely difficult task to be a better mother, especially when modern life expects so much from a woman nowadays. Not easy when one has to juggle work, household responsibilities, parental duties and now pregnancy to boot! I am thankful for Gerry who tries his best to help me whenever he is not out of town and I am thankful for my helper Genevieve who has become my right-hand woman in the running of my household. I wonder how households without helpers fare - I wonder how harried and stretched out the mummies of those homes are. And thinking about that, never fails to make me doubly thankful and grateful for my husband and helper. Still, I cannot help but wish for more time in a day for me to catch up on my life and to rest, sometimes. Oh, if life could go by much less hectic and stress-free!

I realize the extent the change that I have gone through ever since I embark on this journey of becoming a mother - I have actually evolved into a person much more resilient in life and only because if I were any less resilient, my children, my husband, my home might fall apart and get hurt. It is amazing how having a family and children can change a person. I am still a little awed at how much love I find myself having for them, no matter how little I thought I had for them at the points when I get severely tested by marital discord or when the children get sassy. Motherhood has completely transformed me.

Of Marriages and Motherhood

It has been a long, long time since I last logged into this blog. Last I checked, it has been almost 1 and a half years since I posted an entry.

A lot has happened since that entry. My marriage with G saw us go through abandonment, infidelity, estrangement, professional counselling, church counselling and finally now, healing. Individually, I went through a period of self doubt, acting out my hurt and fears, started a business with friends and now, a little enlightenment. I hope my children come out okay from all the ruckus.

Seperately, we have also moved to our very first home. I mean, the previous one we stayed in was a rented one and we had bought 2 others which we never stepped foot into (sold just before TOP). This one is special, it is wholly ours. An ancient 32 year-old duplex apartment that we had done extensive work on, with the needs of our little family in mind. =)

My babies have now also grown into lovely and chatty little girls. Sarah's all 'why, mummy?' and Sonia's starting to word her sentences - lots of chatter, but still working on her articulation.

Gerry and I have also recently grown a lot closer (more than ever actually!). Working extremely hard on making sure we have a happy marriage. And I have found myself pregnant recently, with our next bundle of joy. I am almost 10 weeks pregnant today and I cannot wait to make our home a more wonderful haven for the family. =)

Sonia Rae's Growing Fast

Darling Rae, you've grown so fast in these couple of months. In terms of psycho-motor skills you're alot faster than your che che at the same age. Mummy thinks that you must be trying hard to keep up with che che no?

You are an extremely cheerful baby. You're constantly smiling and laughing out loud. It's hard not to be happy around you. You're also an avid foodie. It's mummy's joy to watch you eat. You really love your food. 

I'm sorry that I'm stopping your milk supply so suddenly. Mummy has been getting too many mastitis episodes with you (4 times). And currently I'm suffering from an ulcer on my right boob. It must be due to the way you are suckling. Your doctor gave mummy the green light to stop breastfeeding you as you are already an extremely healthy girl. =)

I love you loads baby girl. 

Birth - 3.65kg

1 month - 5.25kg

2 months - 6.5kg

3 months - 7.7kg

4 months - 8.6kg

5 months - 9.1kg

6 months - 9.5kg

7 months - 9.8kg

8 months - 10kg

9 months - 10.2kg

Sonia's Learning Fast!

Over the weekend, our baby Rae had somehow managed to crawl expertly and pull herself up to a standing position when seated near the sofa or coffee table. 

It is amazing how fast she is hitting all these milestones. I do not recall Sarah reaching these milestones as early as her. Guess that's the second kid for you. Haha...

In a matter of 2 days, Sonia has also mastered cruising. She expertly cruises along our sofa set and deftly switches to our ottoman by letting go for a few seconds and turning her body towards the ottoman. Really amazing!

Sonia Rae's 7 months Old!

Sonia turns 7 months old today. She's started short-distance crawling 2 days ago; I can't wait for her to explore around the house!

She's still as bubbly and smiley as ever. Really hoping that she will stay this way. Here's her weight chart below-

Birth - 3.65 kg

1 month - 5.25 kg

2 months - 6.5 kg

3 months - 7.7 kg

4 months - 8.6 kg

5 months - 9.1 kg

6 months - 9.5 kg

7 months - 9.8 kg

Her weight gain has slowed down quite a bit but I'm happy nonetheless that she still looks pretty chubby and cheery. Everyone that sees her including strangers on the street would ask to carry her and play with her. Sonia's really our little bundle of joy! =) Love her to bits. 

Sarah Mae @ Two and a Half Years Old

Sarah Mae is growing up so rapidly these couple of months. She's speaking very well- very much like an adult. All in, she is a pretty well behaved child. Recently, she's starting to test our patience in terms of obeying instructions. I wonder if this is prevalent in all children her age.

I notice that she will listen to me if I explain out my rationale to her when I need her to do certain things. Caning does not work. I have experienced that first hand on Monday. We had some 'power struggle' incident relating to her eating her lunch properly, and it resulted in me caning her for not listening and behaving. Nothing good came out of it. She ended up feeling her first pangs of 'hating' me (she wanted to exchange her mummy with someone else). And I ended up hurting because it always suck having to hit one's child.

Well, I'm not using the cane ever again. Naughty corner is fine for now.

Meantime, I have to pray for patience. Plenty of patience.

Sonia's Growth Chart at 5 Months

Sonia has been my chunky joy these five months. Minus the usual sleepless nights and the frettings from falling sick to the flubug, most parents have to go through, Sonia is really a bundle of chubby love. =)

Her growth chart is as follows:

Birth - 3.65kg
1 month - 5.25kg
2 months - 6.50kg
3 months - 7.7kg
4 months - 8.6kg
5 months - 9.1kg

She has also started on solids since her hitting 4 months and a week old. Her diet now consists of banana/ papaya with avocados in the mornings and sweet potato with brocolli in the evenings. Her main course is still milk from yours truly. She's growing well. I hope that she'ld be as cheery as she is as she grows. We love every inch of her. =)

Sonia's 4 Months Old!

Ok, I've been procrastinating with the pictures - but I cannot wait to let you all know just how heavy my baby is. Just jumped onto my weighing scale and found that my little girl has steadily piled on the pounds. She's 8.6kg this month! She's my cheerful, chubby baby and I cannot wait to post pictures of her here. Stay tuned. =)

Great Grandma's Passing

The 31st of May 2008 marked a very sad day for our family. My maternal grandmother has finally been called back unto God's embrace.

Her passing caught me a little off guard as I had just saw her the day before and she could even smile at Sarah in recognition. She was alot weaker when I visited her two days earlier at the hospital.

The past weekend had been a flurry of activities to send her off on her final journey. We cremated her yesterday. The heartbreaking part was the painful sadness I see in my grandfather's face. He shed tears quietly throughout the 3 days as we all rallied around him. My grandparents were married for 64 years. It must really be heartwrenching to lose one's partner of so many years.

I will be certain to honour my grandma's memories through the stories that I will tell my girls. They need to know how my Mama used to care for me when I was a child. I hope that they will learn to love their own grandparents as much as I love mine, in turn.

Mama, may you carry on praying and keeping watch over us, from heaven. I will miss you very much and will keep you always in my prayers. I love you mama.

Sonia Rae's 3 months old!

Sonia's Growth Rate:

Birth - 3.65kg

1 month - 5.25kg

2 months - 6.50kg

3 months - 7.7kg


Sonia is asserting more of her characteristics recently. She is very much into thumb sucking and needs either to breastfeed or suck her thumb to sleep. Very different from her che che in that sense. We have tried giving her a pacifier but to not much avail. She spits that out every time we give her. She enjoys 'talking' to us too. She coos and babbles incessantly whenever she sees a face (doesn't matter who). She smiles very easily. Overall, she's a very good baby- she doesn't cry very much and she has already been sleeping through the night since 2 weeks ago. I think G and I must be very blessed to have children as wonderful and as beautiful as Sarah and Sonia. Thank you God. =)

Falling In Love

Once upon a time, my world was one filled with frivolous pursuits- of course, I hadn't thought about it that way back then. Life was perfect I thought, hence I and G gladly decided that we should have a baby to top it all off. Well, we didn't have to try very long before Sarah came into our lives. And our 'perfect life' no longer became recognisable to us. Chaos and unpredictability became the norm- yet somehow amidst our messy, busy, sleepless days, we found happiness and fulfilment and love. Now we learn that perfection doesn't mean having everything- rather, perfection means sticking our heads and our hearts out in loving our kids and really being happy despite the fact that we are all pretty imperfect at the end of it all.

Sonia's Turning 2 Months!

It just hit me as to how much bigger Sonia is when compared to Sarah when Sarah was just a little baby. We weighed Sonia on Saturday and the scale read 6.4kg! In retrospect, Sarah was just 6.6kg at 3 months and we were already calling her michelin baby then. Hmmm... I wonder what we should call little Sonia then? Any suggestions?

Sonia's Growth Rate:

Birth - 3.65kg
1 month - 5.25kg
2 months - 6.50kg

Me & My MP3!

Hmmmm... I wonder what this is...?
Oooo... music!
Lets groove!
Now, lets try it with just one earphone...














Verdict: Daddy- I want a MP3 player!

Our Day Out At Vivocity!

Sarah Mae: I had so much fun at vivocity today! Daddy brought me for a horse ride and I had such a wonderful time splashing away with Aunty Sophia at the water area too! Dunno whether Sonia had any fun since I only saw her sleeping away... hmmmm... I wonder....

Sonia Rae: ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz..... =)

I'm 1 Month Old!

Sonia Rae turned 1 month old on the 29th of March 2008. The party was a riot - lots of Uncles and Aunties came to see her. Thank you everyone for your Ang Pows, Cards and Presents. We had to load up 2 cars to get all the gifts home! What a lucky baby!=)

As of 28th of March 2008, Sonia weighed in at an impressive 5.25kg- jie jie Sarah paled in comparison in terms of weight at 1 month! She has been getting a little more interested in the things around her. She's been able to spend minutes observing her surroundings and she's starting to be able to see me. Doesn't sound like much but I do long for those moments when she coos at me in recognition. Apart from these, Sonia's still not doing anything much besides sleeping, crying, eating, peeing and pooping... Can't wait for her to become more responsive!=)

G loves his girls but he's expressed his thought that little Sonia seems to be alot more of a cry baby when compared to Sarah Mae when Sarah was an infant. Well, Hun- lets try not to compare and love our girls for their differences instead. It's going to be tough- but I know we can do it!=)

Aunty Sophia & Uncle Sam

These pictures mean so much to me as I love both Sophia and Samuel very much. It's really heartwarming for me to see them loving my girls as much as they do. Can't wait for them to give me nieces and nephews to love in return. =)

Sonia's Birth

I never thought I could love anyone,
More than I love G.
But number 1 came along,
And I was enamoured, completely.
So when I was pregnant with you my dear,
I worry about not loving you enough.
Now everything screams really clear,
To decide who I love best - it's really tough!

It's a wonderful, fantastic feeling to know just how much love I actually possess after I became a mother. Now, as I embark on my journey as a mother of 2- that feeling awes me and scares me at the same time.

My contractions started at twenty minutes intervals at 630pm on the 28th of February. I did not think anything of them at first as I had been having false contractions for at least 3 weeks before that day. By 11pm they started coming in at 10-minute intervals which had me asking G to call for the OB in the event that I could possibly be in labour. True enough, my OB Dr Paul Tseng asked that we get to the hospital immediately.

We reached TMC at 12 midnight sharp and I was still able to joke around with G that we might be having a leap year baby. TMC was giving away gifts for the first 3 leaplings and we arrived just as the first leapling was delivered (by my OB nonetheless!). G jibed me by saying that he should have made me do some jumping jacks if he had known we were having our baby on the 29th of February. We could have made it for the cash incentive! =)

I was checked and told that I was already 3 to 4cm dilated- hence, labour had indeed started. However as we still had some time, the doctor said that we could rest in our room instead while waiting for the active labour phase. By 4am, the contractions started getting intense at 5 minute intervals- I had to time my breathing with G's snores (he was fast asleep). I was not aware that active labour had started and did not alert the nurses. When one came to check on me she immediately told G that I had to be in the labour ward as the baby was coming. I was at 6cm dilation by then. The nurse then told me that if I were to have an epidural, it better be administered at that moment otherwise it might be too late to do so. I thought hard about it- I could tolerate the contractions but the fear of ripping my arse made me request for the epidural.
Once the epidural was administered, my contractions slowed down. We were told that if they hadn't, Sonia would have been the 3rd leap year baby to be born that day.

Dr Tseng decided then to burst my waterbag as there was no longer a point to keep it intact (contractions are better managed with an intact waterbag). The epidural was wonderful (my first experience with it during Sarah's birth was traumatic) and I could relax all the way till the nurse told me I was fully dilated. Sonia was born after only 3 or so pushes (at 10am) and Dr Tseng did a fantastic job ensuring that I did not tear too badly. I only required 2 stitches thereafter and could walk and sit around without feeling any pain in my bottom (very, very different story with Sarah's birth).

The afterpains were killer pains though. I need to put this down to remind myself what I'ld be getting into should I ever get pregnant again. Note to self: VERY, VERY PAINFUL- WORSE THAN LABOUR PAINS.

I do not think I'ld want another child any time soon. Two is perfect for now.=)

Mummy's Got 2 Princesses Now...

So much has gone on in this past year. To start with, we moved homes at the end of March of 07 and I got pregnant 3rd time round sometime around May (2 months later). Life following that was a hectic blur of ferrying Sarah to classes as well as zoo, sea-side and playground outings with fellow mummies living around our estate.

This pregnancy was alot harder than when I had Sarah. I suppose the stress that both G and I had been facing prior to my getting pregnant must have somehow contributed to it as well. I will probably go into detail about it when I create another blog for Sonia Rae (hopefully soon).

We had also hired an Indonesian domestic help in August 07 to help me with the chores so I could spend more time with Sarah Mae and help her settle into a routine before the baby came along.

Looking back, I must say that Sarah has gone through a period of rapid change. She behaves very much like a little adult now. I'm a little sad that she's somehow grown up so much in this couple of weeks (eversince we brought Sonia home) and I feel a tinge of regret that she had done so without me as I had been really busy with Sonia. I guess, it's a feeling that all mothers of 2 or more kids will have to grudgingly accept once we relinquish our complete devotion (obsession rather) of #1.

I hope to and know that I must somehow strike a balance with my 2 little girls and husband from now on and pray that He will grant me the wisdom, patience and courage to do so. The road ahead is going to be REALLY long and bumpy- I really hope that I'ld be equip with the right vehicle and enough petrol to ride it out (God willing). =)

My Baby Sister- Sonia Rae Loke @ 1 week

Take a look at my baby sister Sonia Rae Loke Jia En. She was born on the 29th of February 2008 weighing a hefty 3.65kg. Daddy and Mummy kept calling her a leapling. Hmmm... I wonder what that is....=\

I'm A CMC Fan!

Sarah's daddy's little girl. She's a Chin Mei Chin convert once she tasted the scrumptious little cupcakes. Just like daddy. =)

Peek-A-Boo!

18 Months Old!

I'm 18 months old! Dad and Mum says that I'm a real little charmer. Do you think so too?

Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

Wow, time sure flies. I haven't been blogging for almost 3 months now. Amazing... A summary of my thoughts-

The month of May marked my fabulous 1 year of blogging! So much has happened within this short span of time and I am immensely grateful to have started this journal. Without this outlet for my verbal diarrhoea, I would have forgotten the many funny things that my baby girl had done. Most of all, whenever I'm feeling nostalgic, I have this blog to go down memory lane with- Sarah Mae has really grown so much!

Being a mummy has got to be the best move I have ever made. It has taught me so many things about what really is important in life. Life used to be pretty aimless when you compare those carefree days with mummyhood. Every second now seems to have become extremely precious- apart from the undisturb sleep hours that I miss, I also have learnt to cherish moments spent with my little girl. She really brings me so much joy. I cannot get enough of her!

Sarah's so grown up in many ways. Her comprehension skills are astounding. She's a little social butterfly and is really a lovely, happy child. For the past month or so, she has been crying and waking up in pain whenever she takes extended naps or when she goes to bed at night. Her molars are coming up and it is indeed a very trying time for both Gerry and me. It hurts us that she is in so much pain but it also annoys us that she keeps us awake at night (I know, we're horrible parents). I just look forward to the day when teething pains are over. I miss my easy to manage, lovely and happy baby. I really got the better end of the bargain with Sarah. She's my blessing from Him. =) Thank You God.

Sarah is 17 months old already. Life just fly by us when we're not looking. I really hope that I remember to keep all these memories in mind when she brings home her first boyfriend in the not too distant future. In our hearts, she'll always be our little baby.

Love you gazillions, Sarah.

Exhausted Girls!

Daddy managed to capture this funny shot of both Sarah and me looking so exhausted. I was completely worn out unpacking our stuff at our new home and Sarah was really tired out from her repeated high fevers and all. Check out her little fever patch we stuck on her forehead. So cute. =)

My Day Out At The Zoo

We went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago and these are some pictures of little Sarah having fun. You can see her God Pa in the background. He really loves her silly. Sarah's a really lucky baby. =)

I'm 15 months old!

I'll be turning 15 months old tomorrow! Time sure flies. These couple of months are sure hectic. Mama and Yeye are away visiting kor kor Sean in Oxford and Mummy and Daddy are so busy moving into our new home. At first it was pretty tough settling into my new environment as everything just seems so strange. But I'm having a ball of a time now that I've made friends with the babies in the neighbourhood- boy, everyone just made me feel so welcome here. I even have my own swimming clique now!

I've been walking around since last week. Nothing beats Daddy and Mummy's encouraging smile whenever they see me tottering around. I am trying to master running next. =)

Daddy has been really ill since last week and has also given me his Germs. I've been having high fever over the weekend and now I'm just coughing myself silly. Mummy brought me to Doctor Lim and he says that I've contracted Upper Respiratory Infection. Poor mummy, she's really praying hard not to fall victim to our germs as she has to look after both Daddy and me.

Mama and Yeye, I cannot wait for you guys to come home soon. Mummy says I'm such a big girl now. Miss you loads.

Turning 14 months old

Baby girl turned 14 months whilst her favourite mama and yeye are away. She misses them quite a bit (so does mummy and daddy). This has been her nightly ritual eversince they left for Oxford. Come back soon Mama and Yeye! Big kisses from me!

Little Princess