How Can A Parent Not Give Their All To Their Children?

Before I had kids, I used to imagine that I would be the type of parent who can be firm and yet generous in my fantasized interactions with my children. I figured that since my father brought the 5 of us up with only the bare necessities in life, I will be able to not indulge in the whims of my own children when I do have them in the future.

In reality, I fall really short of my father's disciplined method of bringing up kids. I do not know if I am subconsciously compensating for my lack of exposure to the material world, in my childhood; I have been trying to analyse my inability to draw a line when it comes to giving my children everything that might help them maximise their adult potential, but so far, I still have not figure out why I simply cannot say No to my kids or to any marketing representative of kids-related businesses.

Every month, I make resolutions to not add any extra expenses when it comes to the children. Yet somehow, it happens. I find myself either signing up the girls for some interesting lessons or I end up buying some 'educational' plaything or shoes and clothing for my fast growing dolls. I find it so difficult to hold back and wonder sometimes if I might some sort of undiagnosed obsessive compulsion.

At this rate I'm going, I wonder how on earth we're going to afford to bring up all 3 of our babies with the very best in life, till they reach adulthood. Very scary thought!

I think that both Gerry and myself will have to work really hard for a very long time before we can retire. That seems like the most likely scenario judging from my inability to exercise self-control. =P

Sisters *Hearts & Kisses*

Sarah and Sonia

Time goes by impossibly fast when one is not keeping track. My 2 baby girls have grown into little girls now. Both are extremely charismatic individuals and show budding promise in getting their way in life when they grow up. #1 is pretty in an exquisite porcelain way - her mannerisms are very much dainty and lady-like, whilst #2 is pretty in a burst-of-sunshine way - her mannerisms are cheerful, loud and gregarious. Both contrasting and yet they play and get along very well together.

I thank God for blessing me with these 2 angels everyday ; I kick myself hard every time I act out my impatience, anger or dissatisfaction on them through shouting, snapping or even spanking, sometimes. My prayers are always for me to be more patient, loving and kind.

It is an extremely difficult task to be a better mother, especially when modern life expects so much from a woman nowadays. Not easy when one has to juggle work, household responsibilities, parental duties and now pregnancy to boot! I am thankful for Gerry who tries his best to help me whenever he is not out of town and I am thankful for my helper Genevieve who has become my right-hand woman in the running of my household. I wonder how households without helpers fare - I wonder how harried and stretched out the mummies of those homes are. And thinking about that, never fails to make me doubly thankful and grateful for my husband and helper. Still, I cannot help but wish for more time in a day for me to catch up on my life and to rest, sometimes. Oh, if life could go by much less hectic and stress-free!

I realize the extent the change that I have gone through ever since I embark on this journey of becoming a mother - I have actually evolved into a person much more resilient in life and only because if I were any less resilient, my children, my husband, my home might fall apart and get hurt. It is amazing how having a family and children can change a person. I am still a little awed at how much love I find myself having for them, no matter how little I thought I had for them at the points when I get severely tested by marital discord or when the children get sassy. Motherhood has completely transformed me.

Of Marriages and Motherhood

It has been a long, long time since I last logged into this blog. Last I checked, it has been almost 1 and a half years since I posted an entry.

A lot has happened since that entry. My marriage with G saw us go through abandonment, infidelity, estrangement, professional counselling, church counselling and finally now, healing. Individually, I went through a period of self doubt, acting out my hurt and fears, started a business with friends and now, a little enlightenment. I hope my children come out okay from all the ruckus.

Seperately, we have also moved to our very first home. I mean, the previous one we stayed in was a rented one and we had bought 2 others which we never stepped foot into (sold just before TOP). This one is special, it is wholly ours. An ancient 32 year-old duplex apartment that we had done extensive work on, with the needs of our little family in mind. =)

My babies have now also grown into lovely and chatty little girls. Sarah's all 'why, mummy?' and Sonia's starting to word her sentences - lots of chatter, but still working on her articulation.

Gerry and I have also recently grown a lot closer (more than ever actually!). Working extremely hard on making sure we have a happy marriage. And I have found myself pregnant recently, with our next bundle of joy. I am almost 10 weeks pregnant today and I cannot wait to make our home a more wonderful haven for the family. =)